I adore Fall, like I simply can’t get enough of all the things that make this season so spectacular. I love the brisk air, the cider, the pumpkin farms, the leaves and all the sweaters. Call me basic.. I don’t even care! I love Fall! One of the best parts of Fall is the yearly reminder of how beautiful change and letting go can be.
I find that we as humans love to reminisce, and that can be a beautiful thing. I love remembering vacations, the births of my children, my wedding etc. I love reminding myself of the feelings we felt on special moments or of the joy we shared together. It seems that we don’t always focus on the joyous memories though and we allow so much room for negative emotions.
I’ve heard the phrase that the past can haunt you before. I recently heard a podcast, and I wish I could remember who is was so I can give credit, but I heard it in passing and can’t recall.. so if you know who said this please let me know; anyways he said the past doesn’t haunt us – we haunt it. It was such a simple truth! We allow room for negative emotions by remembering what that person said to us. We remember how we felt adn analyze and ruminate and allow our past to steal our joy now. We are 100% allowed to feel negative emotions. When someone hurts us.. feel it. When we are angry.. allow yourself to feel it. We are allowed to feel things, but dwelling on those feelings for years doesn’t serve you.
It’s like that old saying… bitterness and anger are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. This season in my life I am working on forgiveness in a big way. Forgiving people who will never ask for it, forgiving people who don’t deserve it. I am working on closing doors on things that will never bring me “actual closure.” Because revisiting those things isn’t serving me anymore. It’s time to ‘woo sa’ it and let it freaking go.
I find that living in a blended family gives me a lot of ammunition and room to allow unforgiveness to enter. It’s easy to feel wronged, or like the other party isn’t pulling their weight. It’s easy to allow injustices to turn into a cycle of frustration and anger. But I am done.. I am done allowing things to control me. Sure letting go feels a little unjust.. but I will never be the one to dole out the justice so why hold on? A happy life is the best revenge anyway.. so I choose joy. In every area, I choose joy. It’s time to stop allowing ourselves to haunt the past. Revisit it with a therapist, work through it if you need to, pray, talk with a trusted friend, meditate on it and then choose forgiveness and joy because you deserve that!
Growing in Gravel 